THE LEMON FIC
by hippy.intellect
Summary: And you thought you knew lemon fics... MUAHAHAHAHA! Contains: Lemons, melons and bananas!


**DISCLAIMER: **We do not own RENT. However, kawaii-babi owns a lemon, and it is tangylicious, and hippy.intellect owns several pixie stix, which she likes to eat while dreaming about Anthony Rapp...

The Lemon Fic

Co-written by hippy.intellect and kawaii-babi

Chapter 1

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Roger was lying asleep one early morning, dreaming of him, Mimi and lemons, when Mark burst in, wearing nothing but lemon print boxers and covered in lemon extract.

'Mark,' Roger cried. 'Why did you burst into my lemon lair wearing nothing but lemon print boxers and covered in lemon extract?'

'I was baking lemon poppy seed muffins,' Mark replied. 'But I was knocked over by Elsie the cow, who was chasing a flying lemon, and I got the lemon extract all over me. Do you think you could get some more?'

Normally, Roger would hate to get out of his cozy bed (with the lemons on his comforter) just to go to the store for Mark, but Mark knew Roger loved to go to the lemon store. Especially now that they had plenty of money, on account of Collins's new job at Lemon Land, as the chief lemon.

'Okay, I'll go,' Roger decided, putting on his lemon print PJ pants and a shirt that read 'Lemons rock my socks.'

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Mimi glanced around to see if anyone was watching before entering the alleyway. There she was approached by a dark figure that we all know of as The Man (he really deserves a name by now, don't you think? Let's name him Hammy)

'You got the stuff?' Mimi asked Hammy.

'You got the dough?' Hammy responded.

Mimi pulled out a pack of Pillsbury cookie dough and handed it discreetly to Hammy. Hammy, in return, gave Mimi a bag. Mimi turned to go, but Hammy stopped her.

'By the way,' Hammy told her, looking at her front. 'You've got some really nice melons.'

Mimi smiled and stared at the watermelons she had stored in the front of her jacket. 'Thank you.' With that, Hammy departed. Mimi started to go as well, only to find Roger staring at her, a bag of lemon extract in his hand.

'You told me you'd given up that stuff!' he cried angrily.

'I'm sorry!' Mimi exclaimed. 'It's just too hard to resist!'

'You know its effect.'

'I can't live without it!'

'Potato!'

'Pumpkin!'

'Potato!'

'Pumpkin!'

'LEMONADE!'

'I HATE YOUR SHIRT!'

Roger just stood there; mouth opened then finally yelled 'OH NO YOU DI-INT!'

The two of them stood glaring at each other for quite some time. Then, Benny came, poked Roger, cried 'BOTHER!', groped Mimi and ran away, laughing hysterically. That kinda ruined the moment…

'Listen,' Roger finally said. 'The point is… you need to give up your pixie stix.'

'I'm sorry Roger,' Mimi muttered, looking down at the straws full of sugar she had purchased from Hammy. 'I can't give them up…. They're just so tangylicious!'

'Perhaps we could…. Naw… Idea too stupid… stupid Roger!' Roger said to himself, banging his head on the door purposely.

After prying him off the door, Mimi asked him, 'What was your stupid idea?'

'You think my idea is stupid?'

'No… you said… Never mind! What's this great idea?'

'I was thinking, maybe we could compromise! You buy only LEMON flavoured pixie stix!' Roger said, looking like a little kid who just got their first math test back and found out they got 100.

Mimi pondered this idea, then nodded. 'I always liked the lemon ones better than the orange…' she said. 'Why is it called oranges anyway? Lemons aren't called yellow! Tomatoes aren't called red! Blueberries aren't… wait…'

'So… yeah, this is leading nowhere… Mimi wants a muffin? Mark's making lemon poppy seed muffins!'

'Okay,' Mimi agreed joyously. 'By the way, Roger, I've really been meaning to ask. Exactly how large is that banana of yours?'

Roger looked down… and pulled a banana out of his pocket, along with a ruler. 'Eleven inches!' he said proudly.

'No, silly,' Mimi said slyly. 'I meant your _other _banana.'

'Oh… _that _banana!' Roger finally got it. He pulled his other, green banana from his other pocket. 'Eleven and a HALF!'

**ENDLEZ!!**


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